In order to prevent the virulent spread of devastating and often deadly sexually transmitted diseases in the gay community, such as HIV/AIDS, California has enacted common sense safe sex measures called the “Safe Sex for All Act”.

All gay men must be registered with the state. Their cock lengths, girths, circumcisions or lack thereof, and any other defining features such as moles, birthmarks, scars, or spots must be provided. Failure to register within 10 days of coming out will result in a felony offense.

After January 1, 2000, gay men with cocks over 10 inches in length, or “assault cocks”, are prohibited from gay sex. All assault cocks registered with the state prior to Jan 1, 2000 are limited to gay sex with the one partner listed on the assault cock registration form. Violations will result in a felony offense.

All gay men are required to wear a condom during any sexual encounter. If they wish to have unprotected sex, they must receive a permit from the Department of Health which shall be given or denied based on the director’s preference. Applicant must show “good cause” for receiving permit. Waiting times to interview with the director can be in excess of one year. An application fee of $150 must be paid, and an “Unprotected Safe Sex” class must be taken before interview. Violations for having unprotected gay sex are a felony or misdemeanor offense.

All gay sex is prohibited outside the home. If gay men wish to have sex outside the home, such as hotels, motels, RVs, or any safe place with a bed, they must receive a permit from the Department of Health which shall be given or denied based on the director’s preference. Applicant must show “good cause” for receiving permit. Waiting times to interview with the director can be in excess of one year. An application fee of $150 must be paid, and a “Locations of Safe Sex” class must be taken before interview. Violations for having gay sex in safe locations without a permit or in unsafe locations will result in a felony or misdemeanor offense.

No gay sex is allowed within 1000 ft of a school, and is prohibited on school grounds, including campus housing. Violations are a felony offense.

Prior to having a sexual relationship with a new partner, all gay men must pass a sexual background check and physical examination, including a blood sample. Upon submitting a sexual background check, there is a 10 day waiting period to verify that the applicant has passed. If a gay man fails the sexual background check or physical, they are forbidden from engaging in gay sex. Violations for having gay sex with a new partner without a sexual background check or after failing a sexual background check will result in a felony offense.

No gay man shall have sex with more than one partner in a 30 day period.

All gay men are required to obtain a Safe Sex Certificate prior to engaging in sexual activity. Receiving a SSC requires passing a written test followed by demonstration of safe sex practices including the proper installation of a condom, and use and knowledge of lubrication. The SSC will need to be renewed every 5 years.

Gay men are prohibited from engaging in gay sex with out-of-state gay men. Violation is a felony offense.

All condom sales to gay men will require a sexual background check. Online or out of state condom purchases are prohibited, and sales shall only occur through a licensed condom vendor. Records of all condom sales will be sent to the Department of Health. No gay man shall use more than 10 condoms per month without a permit. Violation is a misdemeanor offense.

Any felony conviction will result in a lifelong ban on having gay sex, and misdemeanor offenses shall carry a $100 fine or sentence up to 1 year in jail, and a 10 year ban on having gay sex. Violations will be a felony offense.

Legislation recently passed by the Assembly and Senate, and is on the governor’s desk, addresses closing the bisexual and trans woman loophole.

Nobody is saying you can’t have gay sex. These are just common sense safety measures to prevent the spread of devastating sexually transmitted diseases.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “If California treated gay men like it treats gun owners

  1. First, I enjoyed the debut article, though I wonder if some people will miss the point about “10-inch assault cocks” (the point being, I assume, that 10-inch cocks are not, in fact, intrinsically more dangerous than smaller ones — what matters is whether the cock is employed for high-risk activities like anal barebacking, or low-risk activities like mutual J/O).

    Second, I do hope that you are not only a conservative, but a conservative who’s also homosexual — because they are in short supply and it’s always refreshing to meet another one.

    Third, I think my contacts may need cleaning because I really thought at first that your avatar was some sort of long-beaked bird perched on a branch!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s